she keeps smiling
by AJ Kenobi
Summary: Her world keeps crumbling with every word he says, she can't handle this anymore, it's too much. Tears burn her eyes, the lump rises in her throat again, and her knees feel weak. He lead on her on, he lied to her…just to run back into Tori's arms? She feels like throwing up, everything was so wrong—and just after it had begun being right again.


**Can you just read it? Kay bye.**

_**Read, Relish, Review.**_

* * *

_It isn't fair._

But then again, when has life ever been fair to her?

She's always supposed to have a smile on her face, and today she does, just like every other day—but it's a fake one.

Nobody seems to notice.

In fact, they tune her out more than usual during the course of the school day. She absolutely hates being ignored, and it hurts more when her friends were the ones and not some random kid she didn't know. Her small, naive mind is trying to figure out why, but she can't come up with a reason.

And then, while she's heading to lunch, it hits her.

Jade, Robbie and Andre aren't ignoring her (well, Jade might've once or twice). Even Trina, in all her annoyance, was giving her some sort of attention.

Beck and Tori were.

And the reason? They were too busy flirting with each other. How could she not have seen this coming?

Beck likes Tori. Tori likes Beck. It's been that way since Tori's first day at Hollywood Arts.

But she keeps smiling.

The bell rings and she's the first student out of the classroom. She's pretty hungry, she had skipped breakfast earlier and her stomach was begging to be fed.

Cat turns the corner and then she immediately regrets not going the other way, because _they're_ standing a few feet away from her. And, she most definitely doesn't _want_ to see them, but it's sort of inevitable if she wants to get to her locker.

The petite girl wordlessly approaches them in the hallway, where Beck is leaned up against his locker, his smile a mile wide and his brown eyes shining. Tori's batting her thick eyelashes at him, babbling about some homework project they have to study for.

Painful knots enter her stomach and she hurriedly stuffs her books in her locker. She doesn't even realize that she dropped one until she feels a tap on her shoulder.

"You dropped this, Cat." Beck holds out the book to her, smiling.

It's not the same smile he gave Tori. She doesn't get that smile, no, she doesn't even _deserve_ it. Why would he look at her that way?

"Thanks!" She says with a cheerfulness that doesn't reach her eyes. She takes the book from him and then heads outside to the Asphalt Café.

Having to always come in second place hurts.

But she keeps smiling.

* * *

_Beck&Tori**.**_

That's what it is now. They were officially a couple. Everybody in the school was talking about it, some were happy, others weren't.

Jade acts like she doesn't care, like she's somehow fine with it—but Cat knows that couldn't be any further from the truth. Her best friend is hurting, everyone can tell.

Nobody cares about the little redhead's feelings.

But she keeps smiling.

It's Friday night, and Cat is alone in her room studying—that's how it's been for the past month now. She can remember when they used to study together all the time. When they got bored they'd talk, watch an episode of _Celebrities Underwater_, share some popcorn or do something fun.

But those times had vanished into thin air.

He was Tori's boyfriend now…it was almost like the brunette owned him, like he was her property. He was oblivious to see what Cat could see as plain as day.

He was too "in love" with her.

The more she thinks about it, the more this odd, new feeling grows in her heart.

She's never felt it before, what is it?

Oh right, hate. She hates Tori.

Tori was changing Beck, you'd have to be blind not to see it. Cat's just kept quiet and tried to be invisible. So did everyone else in the gang—they were all drifting apart because of _Beck&Tori**.**_

He doesn't even pay attention to her anymore. Once, he had been the guy who understood her, that didn't think she was weird or crazy.

It hurts to be pushed to the side.

But she keeps smiling.

* * *

"Cat, hurry up or you'll be late for school!" Her mom calls up to her from downstairs that Monday morning.

"I'm coming!" The brunette calls from the bathroom.

Wait, _brunette_?

Cat surveys herself in the mirror and she smiles, a real one, for the first time in a while. Maybe this will get Beck to like her again.

She puts the final touches on curling her hair and she sighs, smoothing out her dress and putting on some red lipstick.

_This has to work._

She pushes open the double door and walks into the hallway. The chatter, albeit small, stops immediately. It seems that every eye in the room is on her.

"What happened to her?" One of them whispers.

Cat hurries to her locker and gets her books out, trying to ignore the hushed whispers. Doubt seeps into her mind; she knows everyone's talking about her, whispering, starting rumors, and judging her.

That part hadn't changed.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._

"Whoa, what the hell?"

Cat pauses her task and turns to her left. Jade stands there, her arms folded, her eyes wide with confusion as she looks her best friend up and down.

"Cat?" The dark-haired girl asks, doing a double take. "What are you doing? What is all this?"

Cat looks around, just to make sure _they_ aren't coming down the hallway, and she explains everything to Jade. Once the brunette finishes, Jade's confusion melts into disappointment.

"Oh, Cat…" Jade begins, pinching the bridge of her nose as she heaves a sigh.

Cat doesn't understand why Jade's reacting this way. Did she say something wrong? "What's the matter?"

Jade places her hands on Cat's shoulders. "Look, Cat, what you're doing…it won't work. I tried already."

"You mean you dyed your hair too?" She asks, not really understanding.

"No, I mean tried to get Beck to come to his senses…it's not gonna work. He's stuck on Vega." Jade spits out Tori's surname rather nastily, but Cat doesn't quite catch on.

"He'll notice there's something different about me, and then he'll talk to me!" Cat smiles and flicks some hair behind her shoulder. "I just want to be his best friend again." _And maybe something more_… She adds silently in her head.

"Listen, Cat—"

"Hey, guys!" Before Jade can finish her sentence, Beck walks up to them, surprisingly enough without his girlfriend by his side. Nevertheless, Jade simply rolls her eyes and walks off, leaving the two of them alone.

Cat takes in a deep breath. This is it. "Hi Beck!"

Beck blinks a few times and starts to step closer to her. "Cat? Is that you?"

She nods and giggles. "It sure is!"

Beck shoves his hands in his pockets. "Cat, what is all of this? What happened to your hair?"

"I changed it, silly." She says, her smile growing a bit. "Do you like it?"

Beck chews on his lip. "No, as a matter of fact. You look better with your red hair."

Cat's smile quickly melts into a frown. "But, but I did this for you! So you'd like me again!"

Beck tilts his head to the side, clearly confused. "Cat, who said I stopped liking you?"

Her heart flutters and a warm feeling grows in her chest. So he _did_ still like her. Maybe not in the way that she was hoping, but he didn't hate her.

Which is good, right?

"It's just…oh, nevermind." She sighs and rattles off a quick, stupid story about her brother to try and end the awkwardness. She sees him relax, and then everything is back to normal again.

Tori's nowhere in sight, and so he offers to walk her to class. She gladly obliges.

Once they get inside the classroom, Tori is there, and she walks over to kiss her boyfriend—she doesn't even bother to acknowledge the fact that Cat is right there.

So, the small moment between she and Beck was over.

But she keeps smiling.

* * *

Her parents are fighting again. It's late, and she wants to sleep, but she can't because of the constant yelling…and it's giving her a horrible headache.

Cat peels back the pink blankets and quickly gets out of bed. She hurries to her closet and changes into a pair of black pants and her My Little Pony t-shirt. She grabs her phone and quietly slips downstairs, grabs her shoes and then leaves out the back door unnoticed, the loud voices of her parents growing fainter as she walks further and further away from the house.

The drive to Beck's RV is relatively short, but it seems like it's taking forever to get there. She looks at the clock, it's almost 10:00—she hopes Beck isn't asleep, or with Tori. She needs somebody to talk to, and he's the perfect person, especially this late.

Two sharp raps on the door is all it takes. She can see a light turn on and she feels a little bad for having woken him up.

The door swings open and Beck stands there wearing a pair of jean shorts but no shirt. Oh boy, that sends her hormones on a roller coaster…

"Cat?" He yawns and runs a hand through his hair. "Your parents fighting again?"

She nods quickly and the warm feeling in her chest returns. He knows her so well, and without another word she climbs into the RV and he closes the door behind them.

"Sorry for waking you up." She says sheepishly, twiddling with her thumbs nervously as he quickly slips a shirt over his head. He simply smiles and sits next to her on the couch. "It's fine. You can sleep on the bed; I'll take the couch. Sound good?"

She nods and her cheeks grow warm. It's just like old times, before _Beck&Tori. _The times when it was _BeckandCat_ were the best times ever—it feels like that now, and she loves it.

The RV grows quiet and she tries to start up a conversation. "Um, how'd you and Tori's date go?" Not exactly a good topic, but it'd have to do…

Beck's lips crease into a thin line, and Cat automatically knows that something went wrong. "We didn't actually go on a date tonight. We sort of…broke up."

_Miracles do exist! _She thinks giddily to herself, trying to restrain from breaking out into a full grin. So it had happened, just like she predicted and hoped it would.

"Aw, I'm sorry…" She says, feigning sympathy. Although, he is genuinely upset and she hates seeing him like that, a part of her was very glad.

He heaves a deep sigh. "No, it's okay. We kind of just grew apart, y'know? And…yeah."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find the right girl." Her lips curl into a tiny smile. "Maybe she's been there all along!" She hadn't meant to be so obvious; in fact she was in a way hoping he didn't get the hint (oh, who was she kidding?).

"Maybe…" He whispers, and then looks down at her. It's almost as if the world around them slows to a complete halt. Cat can't think straight and she's forgotten how to breathe. But maybe that's a good thing.

It's actually happening, as surreal as it is…it's _happening_. His hand cups her cheek, her eyes slowly flutter closed and their lips become locked.

All too fast it's over, and they break apart, cheeks flushed and breathing heavy.

"T-that was nice." She giggles as a tingly feeling spreads throughout her. She's practically walking on air.

"It sure was." He smiles, but not just any smile. She finally gets the _Tori _smile.

You'd better believe she keeps smiling.

* * *

_BeckandCat._

That's what it is now. But nobody knows about them, not just yet. Cat's always loved keeping secrets, and that's what she and Beck are now. Sometimes, she wants to tell Jade but she always stops herself…oh, keeping secrets from your best friend is a tough task.

It's a little bit after school and Cat's beaming with joy because of what she has to show Beck. The minute she spots him walk out of the classroom, she sprints over to him and grabs his wrist, dragging him into the janitor's closet.

"Whoa, slow down there Cat!" He tells her, laughing a bit at her excitement. "What's up? And why are we in here?"

"I have to show you something I bought today!" Giggling, she digs in her pocket and pulls out two silver necklaces; one says "B" and the other, "C".

"They've got our initials!" She hands him his and starts to fasten her own around her neck, not knowing what was coming next.

Beck looks down at the necklace in his palm. This was going to be much harder to do now. "Cat, these are really sweet. But um, are these friendship necklaces or something?"

She immediately shakes her head. "No, they're like the ones you and Jade had when you were dating! Don't you like them?"

Beck winces a bit and his smile fades. "I do like them. But, Cat…we aren't, um, dating…I thought you knew that."

Her heart drops into her stomach. No, this was not happening. He did _not_ just say that…

"W-what?" She swallows the lump in her throat, hoping that this is some sort of joke. What did he mean? "But…we kissed, Beck. You kissed me! D-didn't that mean anything?"

Beck puts a hand on her shoulder. "Cat, listen. That was over a month ago. I was bummed out about Tori and I breaking up, I got caught up in the moment…and besides, we got back together a few weeks ago. Didn't she tell you?"

Her world keeps crumbling with every word he says, she can't handle this anymore, it's too much. Tears burn her eyes, the lump rises in her throat again, and her knees feel weak. He lead on her on, he _lied_ to her…just to run back into Tori's arms? She feels like throwing up, everything was so wrong—and just after it had begun being right again.

"Fine...just fine." Her voice quivers and she snatches the necklace from his hand. "I spent all these years being in love with you, and for what? Nothing, you're just a waste of time." Her chest heaves and the first of many sobs escapes her throat. "Why did I think you were any different from all the rest?"

She runs out of the janitor's closet without another word. She ignores him calling for her to come back, she doesn't care. She's sick of caring about someone who didn't care about her.

_It isn't fair._

* * *

It all caves in.

She can't deal with it any longer. So she writes a note, and then proceeds to take her own life.

She's free now, no more worries, and no more drama. She misses her friends, and her parents, her brother—but that's a part of life.

Everyone has to move on sometime, right?

Caterina Hannah Valentine is now in Heaven, where there's everything she had on Earth and then some.

And she keeps on smiling.

* * *

**I should just be crowned the Queen of angst. Oh my God, this was the longest oneshot I've ever written. Please review, this took me HOURS.**

**Oh and I deleted What Hurts The Most because that was crap that didn't deserve to be read.**

**Pleaseee review? :)**

**-AJ-**


End file.
